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Author: Bennie
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I own nothing Roswell. The song is "Heaven Can Wait" by Meatloaf. But don´t hold that against me.
Character Focus: CC
Spoilers: Destiny
Author´s Note: Companion to Please Don't Make Me Cry. I just heard this song, and each verse just sort of thrust an image into my head. So I had to exorcise them.
Summary: Um ... nah.
Heaven can wait
He´d been thinking about home lately. For some reason, the stars didn´t seem as mesmerizing anymore. He´d forgotten the need to watch them until dizzy, until breathless from their pull, like he used to.
And a band of angels wrapped up in my heart
Will take me through the lonely night
There´s another light that beckoned him now. A golden halo that soothed that indefinable ache, gentle hands that pulled him into her world, a voice that could ease his loneliness and despair. An embrace that encompassed his very soul in its warmth.
Through the cold of the day
And I know
I know
He didn´t always understand what he felt, or how to explain it. But as he stood there, in the dark, and watched her graceful movements, he sensed some great, impending truth straining to make itself known
Heaven can wait
And all the gods come down here just to sing for me
And the melody's gonna make me fly
He listened to her humming, closing his eyes in ecstasy as she burst into song, a sound so alive, so exquisite, he felt a pain as something shattered deep inside.
Without pain
Without fear
He wanted to let her in, to return that purity, that ecstasy, that warmth, that … that safety.
Eyes darkening in grief, he turned away. He was a killer, he could never be "safe." The taste of his grief was bitter. But as he trudged along the quiet street, his mind was filled with memories of light and grace and joy, and he couldn´t deny that tiny hope.
Someday.
Give me all of your dreams
And let me go along on your way
He watched her through the window, sitting at an empty booth, chewing her pencil as she concentrated fiercely on the text before her. He knew she had dreams … big dreams. And that she deserved them, had earned them. He wanted nothing more than to give them to her or at least, to share in her joy, to look into those liquid brown eyes and know what happiness was, because she could convey every emotion in one heart-stopping look.
Give me all of your prayers to sing
And I´ll turn the night into the skylight of day
He´d saved her once; shouldn´t that have been enough? Hadn´t he proved himself worthy to stand by her side? They had realized a love so pure, so brilliant, it shone with the glory of a phoenix rising. And now, now he found himself in the lonely dark once more, the taste of ashes and salt in his mouth.
I got a taste of paradise
I´m never gonna let it slip away
"I love you," he'd told her, and his heart had leapt to see her tremble with emotion.
"I love you too," she said softly, exhausted and wet but glowing. He could hear her heartbeat; it matched his own.
He´d thought that nothing could ever come between them again.
I got a taste of paradise
It's all I really need to make me stay -
Just like a child again
He wanted to go back, to that moment of simplicity, of innocence, of truth. He could have lived in that moment forever, basking in her love without ever needing more.
Heaven can wait
And all I got is time until the end of time
I won't look back
I won't look back
Let the altars shine
He hated the stars now; they burned cold and lonely and demanded too many sacrifices. He wanted the warmth only she could offer, he wanted to be with her, he wanted … her.
But somewhere among those gleefully twinkling stars, someone decided that he couldn´t have her. And she had listened.
Head low, he walked slowly along the deserted streets, refusing to lift his eyes to the uncaring night sky.
And dreamed of a better day.
And I know that I've been released
The moment she could think clearly, she´d realized her mistake. She knew, now, that she could never follow her so-called Destiny. Never.
But I don´t know to where
It was too late … she´d already turned her back on the only place she could find the comfort she sought. She´d gone there anyway, night after night, watching him fix his bike on the porch, clean up the garage after band practice, and stand watching the sky long into the night.
His face held such a look of longing she yearned to cross the street, to reveal herself, to take his hand.
And nobody´s gonna tell me now
And I don´t really care
No no no
No one suspected, she knew. Everyone simply saw her Ice Princess façade reassert itself, seemingly overnight. They believed she had moved on. Sometimes she could even convince herself.
But sometimes, out of the corner of her eye, she saw him watching her, the grief and desire and something she couldn´t identify escaping his own meticulously crafted mask of cheer and boundless goodwill for just a second.
And she couldn´t breathe.
I got a taste of paradise
That's all I really need to make me stay
When he held her she felt strong but also protected, like she could do anything because he was there with her, because he was there for her, because he would never stand in her way.
I got a taste of paradise
If I had it any sooner you know
You know I never would have run away from my home
She had´t known what she had until she lost it. And now, she paced the streets, without purpose, without direction … searching for a home.
Heaven can wait
And all I got is time until the end of time
I won't look back
I won't look back
Let the altars shine
And six pairs of eyes felt the inexorable pull of the stars as they endured the night, trapped somewhere between heaven and earth, between duty and desire.
And dreamed.
The End
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