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This One Moment
Author: Reese
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: They're not mine...blah blah blah...wish they were...blah blah blah.
Category/Summary: A short Scott/Rogue friendship fic.
Author's Note: So this is my first attempt at X-Men fic and I’m feeling a bit…well…nervous about it. But I’d like to thank Jen, Sid and Bennie for their links/support/interest. I wouldn’t have even dared it if it wasn’t for ya’ll.
He watched and waited…waited for the right time before realizing there would probably never be such a thing.
He also realized that wasn’t the only reason he kept putting it off. He feared the rejection that he knew – in his heart of hearts – was inevitable. He wasn’t Logan. He never would be and never wanted to be.
Except maybe in this one moment.
He was never particularly good with words, unless they came in the form of orders or instructions. He was a strong leader and an apt teacher but his lack of social communication skills made him a less than perfect friend. He was loyal and self-assured and always striving to do the right thing, but he knew that his greatest weakness was his inability to do what seemed to come so easily to others: telling those around him what he was feeling, especially when it came to them.
It simply wasn’t his strong suit. Never had been, probably never would be.
But then he realized that people aren’t always simply what they are but what they strive to be. Perception is reality and all that, right? So he changed his way of thinking and developed a mantra that he played over and over again in his head in the days before he approached her.
I will be what she needs. Even if it’s just for this one moment.
I will be what she needs. Even if it’s just for this one moment.
I will be what she needs. Even it it’s just for this one moment.
And while the part of him that had always known and accepted what his true strengths and weaknesses were laughed at him, another part of him awakened and embraced the opportunity to exist.
Even if it was just for this one moment.
He’d watched for weeks as the younger generation of the mansion had tried to draw her out of her shell but they didn’t know her and it was obvious by the tactics they used. Jubilee and Kitty wanted to take her shopping to get her mind off of things while Bobby paid even more attention to her now that Logan was gone. It was as if they were trying to replace him or fill the void left in Rogue.
That was their mistake. Rogue didn’t want to fill the void. She needed it almost as much as she needed him because a void can always be filled. And that’s what she spent her days hoping for, he just knew it. He could see it in her eyes. She could handle the emptiness and loneliness of him being gone as long as she still believed that he would be back.
And everyone trying to make her forget was like a warning to her…a warning that he wouldn’t be back. And this scared her more than anything.
Jean certainly wasn’t someone Rogue would open to up about much of anything, especially anything involving Logan. He guessed there was a part of Rogue that feared one day he would return -- not for her, but for Jean.
He knew this because he feared that, too.
Rogue seemed more comfortable in Ororo’s company but he knew that Rogue wasn’t about to broach the subject with her and Ororo was never one to pry. So the two of them would carry on as though nothing was really wrong and he felt Rogue needed something more.
And he wanted to be that something for her.
He considered asking the Professor for help but something he’d learned recently was that the Professor wouldn’t always be there and he had to learn to handle some of these things on his own. Plus, he already knew what the Professor would say and he wanted his attempt to be truly original and from the heart…his heart.
Plus, Rogue would probably be able to pick up on the Professor’s influence and, for once, he didn’t want his actions to merely be a reflection of the professor’s influence on him.
So he watched and waited and eventually his mantra worked and the part of him that embraced the opportunity to exist finally found a voice against the part of him that had always accepted he wasn’t good at this sort of thing.
He approached her on a Sunday afternoon when she was alone in the gardens and he asked to join her, to steal just a few minutes of her day.
She agreed.
He started before planning what he was going to say and he felt a rush as the words came tumbling out of his mouth. He didn’t try to preface or clarify after the fact. He just spoke in rambling sentences, occasionally stopping to catch his breath and to glance in her direction to see if he was failing, yet again, at this friend-with-emotions thing.
She encouraged him to continue…more than once.
He told her of old friends and good memories and past pains that had since faded. He spoke of the differences among people and how they handled things – or how they wanted to be handled – and he joked from time to time that such things were never his specialty.
She simply shook her head as though she’d argue with him if she was going to interrupt, but she never did.
He even admitted he’d been watching her and offered up his thoughts on what he’d seen. He told her about his mantra and the two parts of him that were always at war when it came to making this move and how –even at that very moment – they were battling within him.
She put a hand on his shoulder as though congratulating the newly awakened part of him for taking a stand.
He wrapped up by letting her know that he knew he wasn’t Logan and was never going to be but that he wanted to be there for her, however he could be. He didn’t tell her to forget about Logan or prepare for his never returning. He didn’t tell her she should focus on those left behind and her schoolwork to help her through. He didn’t do anything but say, “I want to be here.”
She smiled and at that moment he realized why the Wolverine took such an interest in protecting her and keeping her from harm. Her smile made him believe things about himself that he never thought were possible.
The part of him that said he could never be more than he already was went silent at the light in her eyes as she smiled at him.
Because he was what she needed. Even if it was just for that one moment.
The End
