Rating: PG-13 for language? I guess?
Disclaimer: They're not mine...blah blah blah...wish they were...blah blah blah.
Category/Summary: UC (Kyle POV)
Author's Note: My first Roswell fic ever, if I remember correctly. A Kyle POV written during a very anti-alien (and pretty anti-Maria) time in my Roswell-life.
I am gone.
I am outta here.
And I'm not coming back.
Maybe if I say it enough times I will believe it. I will be able to go. Maybe.
But then she smiles at me, that weak smile that is all she can muster these days and I know.
I know I'm not going anywhere.
I will sit by her bed and watch her wilt away to nothing and wait wait for it to happen to me.
One thing we have in common is going to kill us.
The other thing we have in common is we wish it had been the bullet that did it instead.
I look up at the white flower arrangement that sits next to her bed and I can feel my body tense.
He did this to her. He changed her. Basically, he killed her.
And then he ran away. Some king...a coward if you ask me.
He came into our lives and ripped us apart and planted himself firmly in between us. We managed to grow closer again despite his presence but it wasn't until he left, he ran away, that we realized just how close we were.
We were together before Max Evans and now we are together again.
But not in the way I wanted. We're not in love. Hell, we're not even really living.
I hear the nurse making her way down the hall. I know it's time to for me to leave, even before Liz speaks.
"Go," she says.
"I am. I'll be back later."
"No. Go. Away from here. And don't come back."
"But--" I begin to protest
"Go and don't ever look back."
"But Liz ."
"Kyle. There will be nothing for you to come back to."
I hover inches from her face and breathe in the significance of her words.
She's not going to make it through the night.
I am torn, divided, unsure of my next move. I have been with her like this for months, coming in every day and often staying the night when even her parents go home for rest.
I have lived for her and, I think, she has lived for me.
We have been alone here in Roswell since she first got sick. Max, Michael, Isabel and Tess got some signal that it was time to move on, to leave Roswell, shortly after Liz was diagnosed. How convenient.
He still sends her those damn flowers though. Like that's enough. Like that does anything but tear open her wounds each and every time.
Sometimes I wonder if he ever brings them himself. Or does he send Tess?
I swear I've smelled her presence in this room before. He probably just sends her. Or does she want to come? Does she miss me?
Fuck her. I don't care either way. I never cared for her not like I care for Liz. I would never have spent day after day, night after night for months watching her sleep, reading her Cosmo and going over the day's lessons with her. I hate school but I go every day and absorb as much information as possible so I can come back here and sit on the edge of her bed and tell her everything.
Most of the time I don't think she hears me. But I tell her anyway, because I'm the only one that comes here anymore.
Maria went away with the others, claiming at first it was only temporary but after her last visit a couple of months ago, she hasn't been back. I don't think she ever will be.
And Alex, I don't even know if he's alive. He went with them but promised Liz he would be back. I sat here and watched him promise her that. And he's never been back. So, quite honestly, I think he's dead. Alex meant it when he said it to her and death is the only thing that could have kept him from fulfilling it.
But I never tell Liz that.
Then there's my dad. He still lives at home, if that's what you want to call it. He goes away for weeks on end, often reappearing in the middle of the night only to be gone again in the morning. He thinks I'm okay with it or he thinks I don't notice.
He's wrong. The fact of the matter is, I don't care anymore.
Let him relish in his role as human protector of the hybrids. Let him fool himself into thinking they need him or that they care at all about him.
Look at Liz. Max loved her. But where is he now?
I look down at her and she seems to be sleeping peacefully. It must be the first time in months she has known peace. Her nights are normally wracked with pain or nightmares or both.
I reach down to kiss her one last time.
Her eyes do not flutter.
She is already gone.